


All Of Kepler Goes Monster Hunting

by EdgarAllenPoet



Series: Whumptober 2019 [7]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Amnesty, Blood, Gen, Reckless Driving, Stabbing, whumptober2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 16:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20969648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgarAllenPoet/pseuds/EdgarAllenPoet
Summary: The life of Jake Cool-Ice has not, so far, been boring in any sense of the word, but this, by far, was the scariest day of his life.He should have taken Mama up on those driving lessons when he’d had the chance.





	All Of Kepler Goes Monster Hunting

**Author's Note:**

> whumptober prompt! stab wound

The life of Jake Cool-Ice has not, so far, been a boring one. In the short amount of time he’s been alive-- nineteen earth years, so it would seem, but it was hard to translate the two directly. All he knew was that he was an adolescent when he moved here, and in the four summers that passed, he still seemed to be one for the most part. Who’s to say? it’s not like anyone besides Thacker ever studied this stuff. 

In the short amount of time he’d been alive, he’d seen a thing or two. The starving of his people, the wars that tore apart his home. Then he’d moved to Kepler with the abominations and the secrets and the _monster hunting_, not that Mama and Barclay let him be too involved in that. He was supposed to be running espionage, making human friends and helping the other Sylphs keep up to date on human stuff, though Jake was old enough now to know that was just code for “go make friends.” Mama wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was. 

But Jake was getting off point. Jake’s mind was running two hundred miles an hour. His life had not been a boring one in any sense of the word, but this, by far, was the scariest day of his life. 

First of all, Ned on the TV. It was some small miracle that he’d had the TV on in the first place, since they hardly ever did. But he’d caught a cold from somewhere and Barclay had banished him to the couch to sleep it off and drink some broth, and had wheeled out the TV cart and put on PBS so he didn’t die from boredom. 

PBS was the worst, and he’d switched to channel surfing when he’d stumbled upon Ned, and he’d watched in frozen horror as every secret they’d kept for _years_ got blasted out on local TV. He turned the volume up, and Barclay slammed into the room, watching the broadcast with abject horror before turning and slamming out of the room, headed straight towards Mama’s office, yelling her name. 

That would have been enough, it really would have been, but then there was that phone call from Aubrey. The sound of her _voice_. She’d had bad days before, of course, what with the monster hunting and learning she had magic and all that. He’d seen her upset, but he’d never heard her sound like that before. Frantic. Maniacal. 

_“I don’t have a driver’s license....” _

_“Jake, I don’t care. Find anyone.” _

And it turns out he and Moira were anyone. Except that Moira couldn’t drive either, what with being five hundred years old, dead long before the invention of cars (and not even alive on Earth to see them). When she had been come to Earth, it had been when the archway was still in New York City, and it wasn’t like anyone had reason to drive _there. _

He should have taken Mama up on those driving lessons when he’d had the chance. Sure, he couldn’t get a driver’s license without a hell of a lot of forged documents, but he could have at least known how. Why bother when he could walk anywhere he needed to, though? Keith had a car back in the day, when that was an option, and these days all the had to do was hang around the kitchen and sigh until Barclay got annoyed enough to take him. 

He wished Dani was here. _She_ was smart. She’d taken Mama up on those lessons and knew how to drive, if they needed. If nothing else, she’d probably be more comfort to Aubrey than Moira was being right now. But she was gone _somewhere, _probably off with Mama and Barclay if she wasn’t with Aubrey, or maybe she went to find shelter with the others.

“Yeah, Moira, stop being so doom and gloom! We got—we can—we’re the frickin’—Monster Squad—we can—is that what? We’re the Monster Squad, we can stop this!” Jake yelled over his shoulder into the back seat. He shouldn’t have looked back. Aubrey had a huge chunk of wood sticking out of her leg, her pants torn, and blood _everywhere_. Her hand was wrapped around the wood, a determined look on her face. She looked ashen. Jake felt nauseous. 

He took the turn off of Riverside way too fast and damn near pitches them off the road. The switch from pavement to gravel is hell on the suspension, and the truck bucks and bounces as they fly down it, kicking dust up everywhere. Aubrey gasped. Jake muttered an apology under his breath. 

He then, promptly, nearly rear-ended the car moving at a crawl in front of them. There’s traffic, the road backed up almost all the way to the intersection. Jake slammed on the breaks and slammed himself into the steering wheel, honking from the force of hitting it and letting out a weak cough as he sagged back into his seat. 

The traffic started moving again, and Jake’s hands shake as he followed them, still not confident in remembering which pedal makes the truck move and which _doesn’t_. They got to Amnesty Lodge, and Jake felt sicker just looking at it, empty, dark. Probably in a hell of a lot of danger. There were cars parked outside of it. He took a deep breath, jerked the car off the gravel, and took it around the back towards a path they had trimmed back through the woods. 

He heard Aubrey muttering to herself, and the scream that came from her moments later made his stomach turn over. Moira’s hand settled on his shoulder, lighter than it should have been, while Aubrey gasped her way back to a normal breathing pattern in the back seat. 

Within minutes they reached the arch way, Jake slamming the car into park again and almost forgetting to turn off the engine in his haste to leap out of it. He went around to help Aubrey out, but she waved him off and climbed out on her own with a limp, looking far better than someone ought to considering the circumstances. She looked around, caught Hollis’s eye, and headed that way. Jake figured that was a conversation she could handle on her own, glanced around the mob surrounding the archway, and booked it towards Barclay and Mama, situated firmly in front of the gate. 

They’d know what to do. They always did. Nothing too bad could happen with them there, right? 


End file.
